1987

Yes, once again it is that time of year, football time. The tension is mounting day by day, minute by minute. It will culminate on Thanksgiving Morning at 11:00 am at Orchard Park. This is your official invitation to participate in he most anxiously awaited event of the year.

This year there are a couple of very important changes that should be noted. First of all, there is the big trade. Joe Santasiere is now a cutter. He is replaced by Andrew Kesin, who by virtue of his move to New Brunswick before the eviction and Piscataway after the eviction is now a non-cutter. Other roster changes include Ken Hogenauer's appearance after last year's contract dispute. Contractual differences also prompted Rich Bayer to wuss out and hide in Europe. As for injuries, Brett Jenks, who missed last year's game with a foot injury (ingrown toenail?) says that he is ready for this year, and Andrew Shelffo has said that he will be playing. Apparently the warranty on his knees is good for another year. Also, last year's MVP Chris Gefken has managed to almost entirely quit smoking, so he will be ready to play. It has also been rumored hat Gloshinski and Shelffo have been tearing up the Seton Hall intramural football league. And last, but probably not least, the rookie Brian O'Neill will be debuting this Thanksgiving.
So, as it stands now the rosters are as follows:

Cutters

Chris Gefken

Dave Gloshinski

Doug MacDonald

Brian O'Neill

Joe Santasiere

Andrew Shelffo

Mike Zusi

Non-Cutters

John Dimple

Ken Hogenauer

Brett Jenks

Andrew Kesin

Lars Novak

Chris Zusi

Five men play on each side at one time. Two down linemen must be on the offensive line, but the center is not eligible to catch a pass. One blitz by the linebackers per every four downs, and a first down consists of three completions. The first half will be made up of two twenty minute quarters of running time, the second half will be determined by how hard the first half was. There will bea mandatory shit-talking meeting on Wednesday night where every player must drink to excess so as not to be in too good shape for Thursday morning. The meeting place will be announced later.

Sincerely,
The Commissioner