With the Giants and the Jets both trudging toward mediocrity, the committee was pleased to learn that interest in this year's Turkey Bowl is once again as keen as ever. Of course, there was some question as to whether or not this game would even come off, because apparently Bob Evans was seriously contemplating blowing off this year's game to play in some MTV Rock n' Jocks Thanksgiving day football game with Huey Lewis and The New Kids. Christ, you put one album out and you think you're Extreme or something. Oh, by the way, Bob Evans requests that they don't get hurt.
But after consulting other participants, and our own conscience, we decided that no band is bigger than the game. The game will be here long after any of us has gone. So just remember that. When you get wrapped up in you own pathetic lives and forget about the Committee and the game, we will still be here putting out this newsletter. You can't escape, and neither can we. But luckily we don't have to worry about that this year.
Anyway, back to the game at hand. In the area of bold predictions, we have a couple this year. Mike Sanchez is still whining about not winning the MVP award last year, and vows to win it this year. He might do it, too, if he remembers that he can't start resting on his laurels until after the game. Ken Hogenauer claims that he played in a game where his team won 7-6, and he scored all of the points. Whether or not touchdowns counted for one point or seven is unclear. The most interesting prediction this year, however, comes from John Nulty, who has declared that he will win the Daily Double this year by winning not only the MVP award but the Drunkest Meeting Reveler to Actually Participate in the Game. Of course, his chances of doing this seem slim now that Gloshinki is in town to defend his drinking title. There's a rumor going around that he has developed a new dance for the party this year, too.
Okay, the teams:
Cutters
Chris Gefken (10-1)
Dave Gloshinski (6-1)
Andrew Kesin (5-1)
Brian O'Neill (15-1)
Bill Rustum (8-1)
Brett Jenks (5-2)
Mike Zusi (6-1)
Craig Zusi (6-1)
Rusty Zusi (7-1)
Steve Dietz (18-1)
Bob Jellinek (50-1)
Non-Cutters
Rich Bayer (10-1/7-2)
Chris Colasanti (12-1)
Frank DeFilippis (6-1)
Ken Hogenauer (16-1)
Mike Sanchez (5-1)
Lars Novak (7-1)
John Nulty (8-1)
Mark Vanderfleet (4-1)
Phil Neils (3-1)
Dave Niffen (8-1)
Okay, this year not much thinking at all went into making these teams. The numbers that follow the names are the posted odds for winning the MVP trophy. For Rich, the odds of him winning the MVP award are 10-1; his odds of finishing law school are 7-2. What aren't posted are the odds of him showing up at all, since he seems to have disavowed himself of his friends. There will be a supplemental draft at the meeting to distribute new players, if necessary.
There are a couple of names absent from the list, but that may be just because they have not checked in lately. One name that is missing is Doug MacDonald. For the past two years, Doug has flown down from Boston just to play in the game. This year, he has moved back from Boston, but he cannot play in the game. Ironic, huh? Chris Zusi is not on the list either, just as he wasn't last year, but there are rumors around that he may play. I'm sure that will make his parents happy. The only Zusi clan member on the list this year is Mike, but we feel confident that others will show up.
Of course, any latecomers to the roster will be ineligible to win the MVP award unless they show up at the meeting the night before the game. This is the so-called Dimpel rule. The only other rules to keep in mind are three completions are a first down; laterals only behind the line of scrimmage; one blitz for every four downs; two down linemen on offense; and the center is not eligible to catch a pass.
As of press time, the party will be at the usual place and time. This year, in order to help defray the cost of the party, there will be a betting pool on score and winner. And any other betting that we can think of where we can make a profit will also be considered.
In closing, the game starts at eleven sharp on Thanksgiving Day in Orchard Park. And remember, win any way you can, just as long as you don't get caught.
Sincerely,
The Commissioner
