A peak at how the Commissioner is spending his time in the days leading up to the Turkey Bowl:
As night falls in the suburbs, the commissioner rests after an afternoon spent raking the leaves in his yard. Assisted by his faithful, four-legged companion, Babs, he labored to bring the leaves to the curb amidst the musical monotony of leaf-blowers and lawn mowers. Now as he sits on the couch in the living room of his new house, he thinks about what he can make his bride for dinner. He also wonders if the mail has arrived.Why isn't he thinking about the Turkey Bowl, goddamnit!
Over the summer, the Commissioner ran into a Turkey Bowl participant who hadn't been seen at Orchard Park on Thanksgiving morning for several years. "So, whatever happened to the Turkey Bowl," the short, Italian, recently married Duke graduate who once fooled around with Joe's sister but who will remain nameless said.
The Commissioner was shocked.
Last year a small but dedicated crew overcame apathy and poor field conditions to carry on the Turkey Bowl tradition. Only eight people played, and the game actually began as a three-on-three. Shelffo was pressed into service for the first time in years, and the only Zusi representative was a nephew whose previous claim to fame was getting up-ended by John Dimpel a dozen or so years ago while his Aunt videotaped it. Joe Martineau was nowhere to be seen, and Lars' Uncle didn't even show up to watch. Finally, horror of horrors, Kesin got a full-night's rest before the game.
Still, something interesting happened in the park that day: The game turned out to be one of the most exciting in recent memory. Doug played his heart out; Kesin and Lubow renewed their yearly battle; Dietz brought the keg; Shelffo was the surprise MVP - on the losing team of all things. Then, the game itself was decided on the final play.
Initially, the Committee initially chalked up last year's sparse crowd to a post-Reunion-year let down, but the comment by the aforementioned anonymous -but-stumpy former player had them worried. Then another former player and present lawyer living in Monmouth County asked, "Is there going to be a Turkey Bowl this year?" That set off a mild panic.
But then summer eased into fall, and the leaves began to pile up on the Commissioner's lawn. He got a dog and got married. And along the way, he stopped worrying about the game. When eleven o'clock rolls around on Thanksgiving morning, either you will be there to get your hug from Doug and watch him run his windsprints or you won't.
Sincerely,
The Commissioner
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A Few Post-Game Words
Ahh, soreness. In the few days after the game, you realize things you never knew before, like how high each of the steps in your house seems to be; how your low car makes it kind of difficult to get in and out; and how many muscles there are in your ribcage and legs. You might wonder why you put yourself through such torture, and if you'll ever recover.
Don't worry: PK assures me that when eating, sleeping, drinking, and heckling make him stiff, he relaxes in a hot bath with some candles and herbal beads. In a few minutes, he's fine.
Those of us who played football will just have to live through it and soothe our wounds with a steady stream of complaints John Nulty was sore once again; I didn't have the heart to tell him that he shouldn't be that sore after throwing a couple of interceptions and incompletions in only one half of play. Shelffo thought he had fun and played pretty well until his knees told him to take another year off. Kesin's plaintive admission that his ankles ached was particularly troubling since it seemed like a concession to age, something that he has never done before. Then again, his thirtieth is coming up in February.
The players who did the most complaining about soreness were Bayer and Lubow. Bayer, you know, the touchy-feely lawyer guy, said he had a hard time with the stairs, but that it was the most fun he had playing football "in ten years. The game was touch, and everyone got to touch the ball," he said. We're all very happy for him. Lubow's soreness has more to do with losing the game as the result of a call he felt was a bit unfair. The fact is: Lars was out of bounds.
Kesin's inspired performance garnered him his first MVP trophy, and it also helped his team win, and Kesin hasn't been on the winning side in quite some time. Brian got a few MVP votes as well, as did Glosh. I think the person who voted for Glosh misidentified Nulty after an errant pass, however.
Future MVP's also abounded at the game. Kyle, Ian, and Drew MacDonald all made their first Turkey Bowl appearances, though they were relegated to the sideline, at least for this year. Jack Nulty showed up too, and he had a good time hangin' in his stroller watching daddy. Other spectators included Dan Shelffo, whose crude comments were appreciated by all. Little did we know, though, that his comments were precursors of the comments put on the TALKSHIT site by other non-participants. Amazing how many people say they'll play next year when next year is twelve months away.
But to all involved-players, participants, babysitters, wives, nurses, and Maplewood's finest-- a hearty handshake and thanks. It was a good day, we had fun, and no one got hurt, Thank the Lord. Let's keep in touch via this great website, and see how we play after a year of talkin' shit.
Sincerely,
The Commisioner
