Turkey Bowl 1999
Random Observations of the Past YearAt the Live for Life/Gefken Bachelor Party/Turkey Bowl Talk Shit-while-guzzling-margaritas-on-the-deck-overlooking-P-town/Dave Gloshinki Quarterback Camp- Weekend, last year's Turkey Bowl seemed very far away indeed. On that particular Turkey Bowl morning, Kesin, MacDonald, and Shelffo met at the agreed upon hour (11:00 am) at the agreed upon place (Orchard Park). After some listless greetings the three of them began putting on cleats, wrapping knees and ankles, and passing around a beer or two. No one bothered to look anyone else in the eye because none of them wanted to state the obvious: that it was game time, it was raining real hard, and it looked like no one else was going to show up.
"So," Doug finally said. "Who wants to play permanent QB?"
* * *
Among the people who did eventually show up was one Eric Kohlsaat, former Franklin & Marshall Dip center, current brewmeister and Giants Tail Gate raconteur. There only to watch, he was pressed into service by the paltry number of participants. As visions of glory crept into his head (making the right blocking calls, protecting the Quarterback, making the trap block, and leading the sweeps; you know, lame center dreams of glory) his quarterback called the first play in the huddle. "Let's give the ball to Eric," said Nulty, his brother-in-law. " And see if they can tackle him."
As everyone else left the huddle to take their position, they left Eric's question hanging in the air: "It's tackle?" He carried the ball on the first play, got injured, but in true Turkey Bowl style, stuck it out until the end. He even supplied the sound track for the game.
* * *
In last year's game, a spirited (for the most part) four-on-four (for the most part), Kesin easily (for the most part) outclassed (completely) the field and lead his team to victory, and in the process he won rare back-to-back MVP awards. After the game, in that brief moment when the last post-game beers have been drunk and the highlights and lowlights dissected and laughed at, but before any soreness has really settled deep into the musculature, the last three players left the field. (Not surprisingly, these were the same three who were the first to arrive.) They walked slowly to their cars, thinking of a chance to get dry and maybe change some of their clothes. Suddenly, roaring down the street came a huge Ford Bronco, windows down and The Replacements blaring on the stereo. The car ground to a halt in front of Kesin and Shelffo, and a big Arabic head thrust itself out the driver's side window.
"I've been looking all over for you guys," said Amir, clad in a cashmere sweater and white sweat pants. "I can't believe I missed the game. How long have you guys been playing the Turkey Bowl at Orchard?"
* * *
Flashback to the Cape in October. In the Santos' back yard, amidst the scrub pine and sand, Kesin, MacDonald, and O'Neill throw the official NFL pigskin. From a distance of not more than 10 yards, Kesin and MacDonald throw the ball at each other as hard as they can. Kesin punctuates each throw with a shotgun sound, "chk-chk." To make the throws more interesting, they move behind small bushes and larger trees. They move as they catch and as they throw, and they talk about how maybe they should take over the QB duties this year. But lost in all of their hot air is Brian's consistency. He catches, he throws, he does all that is asked of him. He looks ready. Let's just hope that Glosh's advice doesn't screw him up too much. "No, no, no," Glosh told him. "A spiral's fine, but if you want that real wounded duck action, you gotta throw it like this."
* * *
Flashforward to November 16, 1999.
For those of you unfamiliar with the creative process that generates the newsletter, here's how it works: I usually begin in late summer by leafing through the journal I've filled with a year's worth of ideas and anecdotes. I don't begin to write at this point, because I know that I can't rush the creative process; I let the broad ideas percolate until September when the rough outline begins to form in the back of my mind. By the middle of October, I'm ready to write, so I sequester myself in the woods for a couple of days to get in touch with nature. Finally, in early November, I begin the serious drafting work. By the time the final newsletter is ready for presentation, every word has been carefully chosen, every image and metaphor checked for accuracy and alliteration.
This year I wrote down the first stuff that came to my head. And I only told Carrie that I needed some time to work on the newsletter to avoid changing a diaper. I guess it's true that once you have children, your priorities change. I'll be the one who smells like Desitin and who can't think clearly due to lack of sleep.
Finally, over the past year, I also heard a lot of the same bullshit from people: "Oh, you guys still play the Turkey Bowl? Gee, if I'd known, I would've played." Well, that opportunity has come around once again. So far, I've confirmed the following participants: O'Neill, Kesin, Novak, MacDonald, Gefken, Brian Zusi, Chris Zusi, Eric Kohlsaat, Woody Smith, and any other folks we can scrage up before next week. Oh, and Glosh will be there in spirit, probably making Tess run a few drills in the yard before they eat their vegan Thanksgiving dinner. Bayer won't be there, either in spirit or in person, in case you were wondering. And we all look forward to the spirited cheering of Jude, Joan, Carrie, and hopefully Sam.
See you on the field!
Sincerely,
The Commisioner
