2003

Turkey Bowl 2003

The same stalwarts return to the Turkey Bowl year after year, in some sort of a twisted swallows-return-to-Capistrano-thing (derelict, drunken pork lovers return to the 'Wood, or something like that).* Over the past two decades, however, many players have participated in the Turkey Bowl.* We mourn the absence of some of these players, and others, well, frankly we're glad they're not playing anymore.*

Everyone who plays in the game, though, leaves behind a little bit of themselves (or their dignity or their clothing.)** And the next time you're at Orchard Park, if you listen really carefully, you can even hear the whispers of the ghosts of Turkey Bowls past riding through the park on those exotic and sometimes toxic Maplewood winds.*

All right, so maybe you can't hear the ghosts.* And you also can't get into the heads of the players.* But now, for the first time, I present "What the Players Think," a collection of thoughts that reflects the focus, dedication, and determination of Turkey Bowl Participants. *These are presented in no particular order and are attributed to no particular person.* But these words capture the essence of what it's like to play in the greatest game of the year.*

I'm playing center again?* What the fuck?OeOh good, O'Neill's playing.* That's one guy I know I can tackleOeIs that a normal pain?OeGreat.* Another Thanksgiving, another ice pack at the dinner tableOeAt least I'm not hungoverOeAt least I'm not at home with the familyOeI've got a house, a job, and a family, what the hell am I doing playing tackle football on Thanksgiving?OeI got laid off.* I want to hit somebodyOeI'm 48-years-old and making a comeback.* I'm like the Michael Jordan of the Turkey BowlOeOh shit, he didn't make the tackle.* Now I've got to do somethingOeIs it half time yet?OeSuckers.* I've got a hot tub where I'm stayingOeYou know what?* I don't think I'll be that sore tomorrowOeIs that a hemorrhoid?..You cover KesinOeWhere am I supposed to go on this play?..I'll rush this timeOeJesus Christ!* I was openOeHe didn't even look my wayOeWatch the blitz.* For Christ's sake, watch the blitz!OeThank God I'm still drunk.* Otherwise that would have hurtOeI hope Mom's making those little potatoes this yearOe I wonder if any random people will show up this year?OeGefken makes me drink all that Jameson's, and then he doesn't even show up to play?OeDoes Shelffo think he's running on egg shells out there?* Look at him with those little baby stepsOeI hope I don't hit traffic on the drive homeOeThere's the Wolf fucking the PigOeWhy doesn't Nulty race his wife before the game any more?OeNot one Dominant Player vote again this year?* What's up with that?OeOh great, my family's here.* Now I've got to make a play or somethingOeLooks like he's beefed up a bitOeThat year when we played in the snow?* That was coolOeHow soon after dinner can I make myself a Turkey sandwich and not be rude?OeDid you see that block I made on that last play?OeWhat's with that "three alligator" shit?OeGreat.* Here comes Kesin.* He's gonna lower his head and come at me with knees and elbows flying.* Maybe I'll just try to push him out of boundsOe.It's not that cold out.* ReallyOeI wonder if there will be a Turkey Bowl next yearOe I should have worn cleatsOeHe's throwing it to Da Neph.* He'll drop itOeWhatever happened to those flags we played with that one year?OeWhich beer is mine?OeYou call that a tackle?OeI am very sore and drunk right now and I will be going to bed earlyOeNext score winsOeI like the canned cranberry sauce better than the fresh kindOeWhat number Turkey Bowl is this?OeOh God, he's going deep again?OeAll you pussies who want to play flag can suck my big Italian cockOeDixie Ruled.* What a cool houndOeDidn't he used to be fast?OeThat Fourth of July party at Gefken's was a lot of fucking funOeWhere is everybody?OeIs that dog shit over there?OeI wonder what the neighbors think when we show up every Thanksgiving?OeThey've been in that huddle a long time.* I bet they're gonna do something trickyOeThere are a lot of kids over there on the sidelines this yearOeOkay, everybody go longOeNo laterals past the line of scrimmageOe