Turkey Bowl 39: Hiatus Edition

You are hereby officially notified that you can sleep in on Thanksgiving. The Turkey Bowl is taking a hiatus in 2022.

You’re probably asking why. Read on. I don’t know if I have a great answer but yes, please read on. 

The first issue we face is one of numbers. Turkey-Bowl stalwart Brian O’Neill is in Ireland this Thanksgiving. He usually brings with him a passel of nephews. Actually, seeing the size of these nephews and their football skill (Go, St. Peter’s!), perhaps it’s best that I don’t have to face them this year.   

Equally stalwarty participant Doug MacDonald has suffered a leg injury that required surgery. He offered to referee, which is the Turkey Bowl equivalent of being a ghost baserunner. 

With Judy Faherty’s (this may be the first time I’ve mentioned an original’s mother by name in the newsletter, by the way) move to Massachusetts, Andrew Kesin no longer makes the annual trip to Orchard Park. 

Sam Shelffo has moved to Oklahoma and won’t be in New Jersey for Thanksgiving. 

I have no doubt that Lars would be there with his usual coterie of Vikings. 

But you can see where I’m going with this: we just didn’t have enough players. And we also don’t have a regular Taylor Ham supplier, with Kesin in Massachusetts. 

The second issue is acknowledging the elephant in the Orchard Park pines: I’m just feeling so freaking old these days. Just the thought of trying to make a cut to “tackle” one of the youngsters—who’s probably in his twenties or maybe even pushing 30—has me grabbing for the acetaminophen. The 500mg kind. 

Yes, I’m still running. I’m running a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving, as a matter of fact. But I’ve realized I can only run in straight lines or very gentle curves. A sudden change in direction would have me in traction. Yes, I realize that everyone I’ve played against for the past decade knows this limitation in my game.  

 Which brings me to the third issue. We’re stuck at 38 Turkey Bowls. At the risk of boring everyone with maths, as the Brits might say, the first game happened in 1983. That means that the 2022 edition would be the 40^th, but we missed 2020 because of the pandemic. This year would have been the 39^th game, but now I’ve gone and ruined that. 

But that’s not the issue I’m referring to. 

A couple of days ago, I was discussing the Turkey Bowl with a Northampton friend who’s long admired this storied tradition. I told him that I don’t think it’s going to happen this year. He said that maybe the moment has passed for the Turkey Bowl. 

I’ll be honest, I’ve never thought about how the Turkey Bowl ends. Maybe that’s because I haven’t wanted to think that it might not last forever. But so much has changed since 1983. No one lives in South Orange or Maplewood anymore. I feel jealous when I see the substitutes the game on the upper field has every year, and how they all just walk to a house that borders the park for their dinner. 

Don’t get me wrong: I love the Turkey Bowl. Everyone who’s every participated in it has a place at my Thanksgiving dinner table. I’m not willing to call this is the end. 

This year, we’re simply taking a hiatus. Enjoy a pain-free dinner, everyone, and please post your favorite Turkey Bowl memory either here or to Facebook. 

I’ll go first: the way the Jameson chases the Taylor Ham just right.